Being in control...

Recently a friend who is getting married had put up a status saying that she is loosing all control over her life. I checked back on my getting ready-for-the-wedding posts and most of them bemoaned the fact that I have lost control of my life! What is it about us new generation Indians and marriages that make us feel that way?

For outsides who think that Indian women are the most deprived lot, living below the poverty line, facing domestic violence, not getting the chance to go to school, well there are a percentage of Indian women who are not so. We are educated, brought up without discrimination, are independent, fly the nest and live independently, mostly pursue careers, do the dating scene, smoke, drink and have sex, finally marry in our 30s and that too those men whom we choose and generally do not take kindly to interference in our lives.  After having done all this and more, when we decide to marry and let our parents know about our decisions, life kind of takes charge making us feel unwanted and out of control. It is a bit like till so far we were the main character in our lives, we were the all important heroine without whom life would not go on. But once the marriage ball starts rolling, the centre of gravity shifts and multiple characters start stealing the limelight-- the parents, the would be in-laws, the rituals and norms of the ceremony and of course society at large. It is like finally the flood gates are opened and  people get the chance to poke their noses into our lives and how they make hay out of this opportunity!

Everyone is an authority on marriage,(it is a natural talent freely distributed among Indians you see), they have ready made mental lists of dos and don'ts (gigabytes long) and dictate it to you anytime, be it a social occassion or a chance meeting while shopping. It must be said that women relatives are the more nosy and interfering sorts than the male relatives. The men are more passive in this regard and mostly cringe with embarassment when their all-knowing mothers or wives launch into an uninvited, impromptu lecture on marraige. But however much their husbands cringe and the would be brides yawn, these ladies will not stop.

Mariages in India are still open to advice/tips/suggestions from just about anyone. I guess we modern Indians have figured out a way to live our lives our way...but when it comes to marriage, it is not yet done. That is why all these being out of control feelings. But the best part is that the countdown to a wedding is far longer than the marriage itself, so take heart and grit your teeth and enjoy your wedding. It would soon be over and you can soon get back to your normal life!

Tears & Smiles...

A friend's status message reads "you had tears in your eyes and I was smiling"...my imaginative mind has taken a leap and I am very tempted to fill in probable scenarios befitting such a line...

These following scenarios are figments of my imagination...

I have found myself a younger partner...she is young, sexy, a little wild, a lot of fun, does not nag, definitely not that...with her I feel years younger and more alive than I felt in a long, long time...in fact when I am with her, it reminds me of you and me, when we were wild in college...with you I have been feeling the pressures of domesticity...mortgage payments, bills, bills and more bills, parent teacher meetings, birthdays, anniversaries...visiting old folks...drudgery of middle age...almost no sex, dieting and restrictions, less alcohol, no smoking...I know, you and me,we have built a family for the last nine years...but it has gone on too long...I do not want all-responsibility-no-fun-life...so I am leaving you....yes for her...you had tears in your eyes and I was smiling...I was smiling because I am going to live, have fun and enjoy life all over again...

After years of hard work, I finally got the opportunity. I am finally being sent to the land of opportunities....yahoo I am going to be in the land of dreams and I am going to get rich. I am leaving you back, only because your commitments will not allow you to come with me. I promise once I settle there...you and me, we will continue our relationship through voice chat...I will come down once a year...I am sad to be leaving you but I am so happy to be going that that excitement over rides every other emotion...you had tears in your eyes and I was smiling...land of dreams here I come...

You had bullied me for ages....you abused, misbehaved and mistreated me...you thought I was weak because I never protested...oh well how mistaken you were...I was waiting for my chance...yes patiently, very,very patiently...I never do anything recklessly, I never loose my temper...I wait and plan...and the right time did come...you did fall down from your high and mighty throne...do not expect me to forgive you or show even one drop of sympathy...you had tears in your eyes and I was smiling...of a revenge well taken...years of patience, minute planning and neat execution....now no one would dare to call me weak....ever...

You were always the winner and me the looser...yet we were best friends...it suited you all the winning...oh well loosing did not suit me...but I had no option...the more I tried the more I failed...so somewhere I gave up and pretended that I did not care...you know being an under dog kind of helps...no one expects much from you...so when I enrolled in the competition...most people laughed...you did not care cos you thought I would never make it to the final....yet I shocked the whole world and defeated you in the final round...oh what a sweet pleasure victory is...you were stunned, you had tears in your eyes and I was smiling....lets see if our friendship survives this...

You had faith in me when no one else did...you lavished your love on me...I did not have many things in life...you were always struggling to make ends meet...but I felt I was the strongest kid since I had your unconditional love...others laughed when I wanted to write...you stood by me...I knew I was doing the right thing...and now with my first book published...when I showed it to you, you had tears in your eyes and I was smiling...yes Ma together we did it...

I had loved you since I was a little boy of four or five. Yes I know it is way too young to fall in love...but one day while we kids were playing in the school ground...you walked by...you were a vision of loveliness....since I was new, other boys filled me in saying that they called you the princess cos you look like one and also your dad is one of the richest men in the town...my dad worked in one of the coal mines your dad owned...but that did not stop me from loving you...I watched you grow up from afar and every day fell a bit more in love with you...you were my inspiration to work hard and win a scholarship...I went away to become rich....I came back years later to see you sadly widowed...slowly I got to know you....today when I proposed marriage...you had tears in your eyes and I was smiling...finally the princess is going to be mine...