Monday, 4 January, 2010

Which guys to avoid in search for the 'eternal soulmate'...

Disclaimer: This post is written in fun without any intention to hurt or harm or offense to anyone. Please do not take it seriously or personally.
Dedicated to: All the women in my life and the men too.

Scared: I am a little scared of men and their women and their reactions to this post. O men and beloved women please do not attack me with swords or sticks....I am kinda harmless!

Few days back was talking to a friend about how to choose a guy to settle down with. Both of us, in my friend's language 'have hit the jackpot'...but there are other single ladies out there who are close to us and whom we want to see happily settled with the right guy. Now had this been 2007, I would have said there are no right guys, men are rotten bastards on the no hope for us single women etc etc etc. But out of no where my Mr. Right did pop up, so I have shed off my cynicism, taken up optimism and hoping that the right guys would pop up for the rest of my gal friends.

Every girl knows the sort of guy she wants-- smart, kind, honest, loyal, responsible, presentable (TDH-- reference for men T for tall, D for dark and H for handsome), settled, well educated, with a good sense of humour etc etc etc. I am not going into that. Instead I am writing about the kind of men to avoid in your search. This little list is made from the purest of pure grains of golden experience of a gaggle of my friends and yours truly. Have a good laugh. HNY.

Top 5 types of men to avoid while in search for the 'eternal one'...
  1. The fence sitters: Oh these are all around us. It is not that there guys are unkind or uncool or is just that they are indecisive. They can be in a relationship for 2/3/4/5 years, they can be lovely dovey, dutiful, mushy, tender, understanding...but they will not settle down. If the girl is hoping after 3/4 years of a steady relationship for a romantic proposal, a ring and the question....she will be left hoping. It never comes, finally the girl frustrated beyond measure, pops the question herself, deluding herself into thinking that maybe he is too shy. So she is taken by real surprise when he says he is not too sure. Not sure...but the relationship is 3/4/5 years old...oh yes, and he loves her...but. This but is here to stay in the relationship, grows like a baby and settles between them and refuses to go away. I have seen girls in such relationships starting to question themselves and the whole wide world in their quest to know why their men are not settling down. The other million rupee question in their mind is how to make the man get down from the fence. Oh well short of an earthquake, you can use dynamite but you have to impeccably plan so that the man falls on your side of the fence. But ladies please do remember what happened to Humpty when he fell. Jokes apart, will not say that these men should all be shelved. Know of one guy who after ages of waiting, finally settled down with the girl and is in 'happily ever after', rest are all waiting for the 'but' to melt. The pace at which global warming is happening, maybe the 'but' would melt soon in a hundred years or so. But one thing is for sure,though these guys never marry you, but at the same time they never leave you! Bingo so we already have the eternal, waiting for the soulmate bit!
  2. The indecisive ones: I know no 1&2 sound synonymous but there are vast technical differences. And that is, even though these indecisive ones float their profiles in bharatmatrimony and, register themselves in dating agencies.. they do not know whether they want a relationship or not, whether they should trust a girl or not...the list goes on and on. At least the fence sitters get into a relationship, these indecisive ones are stuck at the initial contact stage.  God forbid if a girl shows interest in them. Trying to establish contact (please mark my choice of vocabulary) with them is like playing a game of snakes and ladder. For every step the girl takes, the boy would go back two steps. So you must be thinking why doesn't the intelligent girl just stop trying. I wonder the same thing as well. Then finally in my experience these kinds of guys stop communication with these girls on some flimsy excuse and the girl is left wallowing in hurt. A must stay away in my opinion. See an indecisive one and run a million miles. Good for the figure and the soul!
  3. The MCP: Reference for men, MCP matlab male chauvinist pig. At the risk of sounding cliche, I have to include the MCP, cos otherwise this list would never be complete. This variety also we see all around us. Though their domination was high in previous generations, in our generations their numbers have lessened but not vanished. So beware girls. For the uninitiated, innocent girls, a MCP is any guy who thinks way too much about himself, infact self importance often makes him puffy. He has never heard of women's liberation, thinks feminists should be hunted down along with terrorists and put under lock and key. Thinks women should sit at home while he goes out to earn the bread. He expects to be served hand and foot and cooked dinner, would never lift his hand to help at home. Sometimes they even have fundamentalist ideas. Then life for the women in his family gets restricted under ghunghat or hijab. These men do not bat an eye in having sex with different women while finally marrying the girl from his caste choosen by his parents for a huge dowry. In his moral code, he can play the field while married, but heaven help if his wife, so much as looks at another man. Women usually fall for them because on the surface they seem suave and sophisticated and even chivalrous. Please girls do not make that mistake. This is serious warning.
  4. The mamas boys: Oh well all men are more or less so, but some go over the top in being mama ka gullam. Indian mamas have full arsenal of tears, sentiments, stories of sacrifice pain, tyag, sufferings to control these sons. Once the sons get married, their momas never stop crying or falling sick or being dukkhi. So becahree beete jai bhi to kaha jai. On the whole if the son is not  a total whimp or the mother does not interfere into the couple's personal space or son's career or daughter-in-law's dressing......these men are safe bet. Special warning for the Bong women, any man who is called babu, bubu, bubun, bulbul, khokon, khoka, shona etc etc etc...please stay away. Their umbilical cords were not cut properly!
  5. The career men: There are some men who are wed to their careers. Come what may they work. They are workaholics and in office if they are the boss then they are after the whole office to become workaholics too. In home they enjoy their women just like they enjoy fine whiskey or cigar-- occasionally and in moderation. Known wives who have spent their lives waiting for the workaholic husbands to take a break and take the wives for a vacation or spend some time with them. Nah almost never happens. Instead expensive gifts come two days after missing yet another anniversary or birthday to appease a sulking wife so that the home is well run again. These men also often neglect their children.
    This list can go on and on--the flirt, the flighty, the pathological liars...but I do not want to dishearten all those single women out there.So ladies please go out and search sensibly for your Mr. Right and I am confident that he would pop up from somewhere or the other.

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