Woods, lakes and journeys....

The woods are lovely, dark and deep...and I was trudging along, sometimes happily and sometimes wearily. My life had a direction, every morning I had a reason to get up, to rush out, to grumble about. Ah life had purpose. I never appreciated that, maybe I should have and been more thankful.
Then I came across a lake. It looked lovely with its distant blue waters shimmering in the sunlight. I must say I was charmed. I was given a choice, whether I wanted to jump into it or not. It was virgin territory for me, hitherto unchartered. Since I knew the woods I was travelling through and fed up with its monotony and pettiness, the temptation to jump right into the lake was strong, really strong. Also my loved one was walking along the same direction. We thought we would be in the lake together, so what if we do not know how to swim, or anything about the life in that lake, together we would hold hands and swim across. It was to be an adventure, I was daring to shed off my old, boring yet known way of life and jump into the unknown. I did not take long to make up my mind....I was finally, yes finally after years ready for this.
I jumped. What I took for granted is that my luck would follow me in this lake, the journey would be smooth and my God would be there to help me in my journey. I am sure my God is right here with me, so are my angels...but journey across the lake has been really though, unexpectedly so, catching me completely unawares. The lake which looked beautiful and blue green from outside, from inside is all murky and grey and I do not know the rules of this place. I try and apply the rules I learnt in my woods, sometimes they work, most times they do not. Luckily for my love, he found his way back into the woods. Granted this is a new stretch of wood, the trees are news and unknown, so are the others living and passing through this space. But it is a wood nonetheless and he is back in familiar territory. But that means I am left alone in the lake, I know no one here. You must be thinking that I deliberately decided not to, not really....I never got the chance. The journey is though, the shore line is not yet in sight, no boat appeared to give me a lift. Not even a fellow lake resident. Maybe my expectations are too much, that could also be true. Maybe I need to finish this journey on my own for my own good. All I can say is that it is a damn lonely journey, the only thing that is keeping me afloat is my lover on the shore, right beside the lake and I do not want to sink in this water, I want to swim across and seek the land again. Never again shall I think of the woods to be boring and petty.

Life...

Found this in one of the books I was reading.

We fill the craters left by the bombs
And once again we sing
And once again we sow
Because life never surrenders.

Anonymous Vietnamese poem, picked from Gioconda Belli's 'The Country Under My Skin'.

Feminism...

Most of the times when I have told a friend that I am a feminist, the response has been pretty interesting. Most men have reacted with a lot of cynicism and mirth. However sensitive and mature a man is, when it comes to feminists there is an odd weariness, which actually thinly covers loads of insecurity. But I must say that I do know some men who genuinely believe in equality of sexes and are pretty vocal about their ideas.

From women the response is more varied-- some are awed that someone can openly claim something like this, some claim that they are not strong enough to be a feminist, some even say that isms like feminisms are not for them, if you can get them liberties it is fine, they will enjoy it but they wont so much lift their fingers to do some work themselves. But most predominantly women are confused as to what exactly it entails to be a feminist. Like for example some girl had once asked me " if I am a feminist, I wont let my dad pay dowry for my marriage, but would I also not cook for my husband? How do I draw a line on how much of a feminist I want to be or it is right to be?". We launched into a debate about my essential problem of having to draw a line, while she argued that it is fine to have ideas, but in real world you need to compromise between your ideas and practices.

Posting the following article because it tries of address the same problem who is actually a feminist and what it entails to be one. I found it quiet interesting, read and please let me know what you think.

An online war has broken out in the women's movement sparked by the Jezebels, young bloggers who flaunt their hard drinking and unashamed promiscuity and who are infuriating traditional feminists. Amelia Hill and Eva Wiseman report
Sunday 17 May 2009 http://www.guardian .co.uk/world/ 2009/may/ 17/feminism- america-sex- promiscuity- drinking

It seemed like a coup for feminism when Slate, an online magazine, launched a new, women-focused website, Double X, last month. Declaring its dedication to "tackling subjects high and low" in voices that were "unabashedly intellectual without being dry or condescending" , Double X burst on to the blogosphere, seemingly ready to tackle the knotty question of what it means - and takes - to be a fully liberated woman today.

Except that, instead of squaring up to the sexual politics of the outside world, the site chose to fight its first battle with one of its own, accusing Jezebel - one of America's biggest and liveliest websites for women - of damaging women, degrading its own writers and betraying the quest for true sexual equality.

Jezebel is a tabloid-style website dedicated to "Celebrity, sex, fashion for women - without airbrushing" . Based in the US , it has almost 900,000 readers across the world. Its writers lead divided lives: landing some hard-hitting feminist punches - such as raising funds for the victims of "honour" killings in Basra - while at the same time writing salaciously and candidly about their choice to live lives of unashamed promiscuity.

It was in response to one of these articles that Double X lit the fuse that has set the online global community alight. Under the heading "The trouble with Jezebel: how Jezebel is hurting women", it accused its rival of mistaking self-indulgence for acting in pursuit of a political goal.
Double X columnist Linda Hirshman, also a contributor to the New York Times and the Washington Post, referred to an hour-long television appearance by Tracie Egan, a Jezebel blogger who goes by the moniker "Slut Machine", and Maureen "Moe" Tkacik, in which the two young women refused to engage with a serious discussion about sexual politics and culture. Shrugging off a question about rape and sexual responsibility, Tkacik casually explained why she didn't report her own date rape to the police. "I had better things to do," she said. "Like drinking more."

After the programme, presenter Lizz Winstead explained how shocked she had been by the behaviour of the young women. Writing on her Huffington Post blog, Winstead said: "They do not understand the influence they have over the women who read them, nor do they accept any responsibility as role models for young women who are coming of age searching for lifestyles to emulate."

In last week's article for Double X, Hirshman singled out Egan and Tkacik as "a symptom of the weaknesses in the model of perfect egalitarian sexual freedom". The Jezebel website, she argued, is guilty of promoting the belief that modern-day feminism is simply "doing what feels good to you". In doing so, it uses the language of old-style feminism to betray the movement's ideals.

Hirshman, author of Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World, added: "It's the supposed concern with feminism that makes the site so problematic. The Jezebels are ... a living demonstration of the chaotic possibilities the movement always contained." The writer said that she found the attitudes particularly surprising because they "look a lot like the natural heirs of feminism: young, college-educated, urban (mostly New York ), single, hard-working, sexually liberated".

Her accusations have reverberated around the global online community. The Jezebel website has responded with "Who are you calling a bad feminist?", in which Hirshman is decried as creating a "victim-shaming diatribe" and for promoting a feminist philosophy that is deeply sexist. "I have seen misogyny and, most of the time, it looks a lot like the ideology Hirshman has the audacity to call 'feminism'," the article stated.

The argument has become so furious that others have stepped in, with all guns blazing. Speaking to the Observer, Naomi Wolf, author of Give Me Liberty: A Handbook for American Revolutionaries, agrees with Hirshman. "Third-wave feminism is pluralistic, strives to be multi-ethnic, is pro-sex and tolerant of other women's choices," she said. "It has led to an embrace of what was once so politically suspect - the notion that you can be a 'lipstick lesbian' or a 'riot grrrl' [referring to a feminist punk movement that emerged in the 90s] if you want to be, that you can choose your persona and your freedom for yourself.

"But that very individualism, which has been great for feminism's rebranding, is also its weakness: it can be fun and frisky, but too often it's ahistorical and apolitical. As many older feminists justly point out, the world isn't going to change because a lot of young women feel confident and personally empowered, if they don't have grassroots groups or lobbies to advance woman-friendly policies, help break through the glass ceiling, develop decent work-family support structures or solidify real political clout.

"But feminists are in danger if we don't know our history, and a saucy tattoo and a condom do not a revolution make," she added. "The fact is, we know the answers to western women's problems: the way is mapped out, the time for theory is pretty much over. We know the laws and the policies we need to achieve full equality. What we lack is a grassroots movement that will drive the political will. 'Lipstick' or lifestyle feminism won't produce that movement alone."
Julie Bindel, a feminist campaigner and journalist, admitted being infuriated by women like Egan and Tkacik. "Feminism is not the freedom to act like a dickhead," she said. "These women are individualists, not feminists. They are lazy, bone-idle women who have no interest taking part in a political movement for change but are trying to get credibility for their selfish lives by playing identification politics. You can't claim to be a feminist simply because you're a woman."
Sandrine Levêque, campaigns manager at Object, the human rights organisation which challenges the sexual objectification of women in popular culture, agreed. "It's almost like what was seen as sexist 20 years ago has been repackaged as empowerment and liberation for women in the 21st century," she said. "It is difficult to make choices in today's pornified culture which bombards us with the message that raunch culture is where it's at for women in 2009."
Younger feminists, however, are more inclined to be critical of Hirshman. "When it comes to Double X, I think we're just left with questions - is it feminist, or is it not feminist? Why did it host a story blaming another woman for not reporting being raped? What is promiscuity? What does that mean? To me, it speaks of trying to slut-shame women who are having consensual sex as and when they want it," said Jess McCabe, editor of the F Word, a British website that describes itself as feminist.

"There is no such thing as a bad feminist. Feminism is a social justice movement, it is not about chiding other women, or establishing yet another set of standards for women to be judged against. We all mess up - we've all been raised in a sexist, racist, transphobic, heteronormative society, and guess what, that affects our behaviour. We all also differ in terms of what feminism means to us."

Ellie Levenson, author of the forthcoming book The Noughtie Girl's Guide to Feminism, is also critical of Hirshman's definition of "good" and "bad" feminism. "A lot of the criticism against Jezebel is against women being open about their sexual antics," she said. "Feminism is about women choosing how to behave and having the same rights and freedoms to behave badly as men do, so in order to make these choices we need to be able to read about women who have made all kinds of choices."

The main problem with feminism today, added Levenson, is that it has become a word that people don't want to be associated with. "But when you start asking them whether they believe in equal rights for men and women they say, yes, absolutely. So it is the word and not the concept that is the problem."

McCabe agreed. Feminism today may be characterised by infighting and factionalism, she said, but the movement is very definitely alive and fiercely kicking. "Just look at the number of feminist groups launching up and down the UK , from the Million Women Rise march in London , from the resurgency of reclaim-the- night marches, from the growth of feminist blogs," she said.
"The tide is slowly growing, and it is badly needed," she added. "Things like the rape conviction rate being so pathetic it is almost non-existent, women's services facing closure and the pay gap actually increasing - there is more of a need for feminist activism than ever."

Insightful quote

"Owners of capital will stimulate the working class to buymore and more of expensive goods, houses and technology,pushing them to take more and more expensive credits, untiltheir debt becomes unbearable. The unpaid debt will lead tobankruptcy of banks, which will have to be nationalised, andthe State will have to take the road which will eventuallylead to communism"

Karl Marx, Das Kapital, 1867

Random Quotes

Lets see if the wisdom can cheer me up...

If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it’s OK. But you’ve got to shoot for something. A lot of people don’t even shoot. (Confucius)

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. (Confucius)

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth. (Mark Twain)

Dedicate 2009 to finding Mr Right...

In the last two days I have had three interesting conversations that I must share. They are all my friends and I have promised not to disclose identities. Hence this discreet, without disclosure, sharing.

Two days back we met for a drink. After drowning two pinacoladas we got into not so discreet (read rather loud and boisterous) discussion in a bar about the men or the lack thereof in our lives. Right now she is in between men and not in a very good shape. The last guy was someone with whom she had gelled really well. But then she jumped the gun and wanted to discuss the future and wham and bham the guy got scared and ran like hell. Tell me men, why do you register yourselves to these marriage sites if you don't want to talk about the future? Talk about confusion!!!!!!! And what is it? What do you think we women are? Police, roaming around with handcuffs, about to imprison you? For records we women are equally commitment shy and are not interested in getting married to just about any Raj/Rishi/Rahul who pops up. Still continuing, so this friend is still moping about this guy, pretending to be strong and trying to act like she doesn't care and failing miserably. Right now she is going through pangs of guilt thinking she has pushed away a nice man away from her life with her aggression and is down in dumps in the process. What I cannot convince her is that if this man was this perfect he would not have run. We had a serious conversation whether she should be trying to get in touch with him. Though it was she who brought the idea up, she is totally unsure. It is a continous 'should I, should I not' for her right now. Having gone through such situations in life, I know oh so well what she going through. To get back, I am all for her getting in touch with this guy, primarily for her own self. Rather than her lingering thinking about all the what ifs and trying to find solace in pinacoladas, she should just get in touch with this guy. I firmly believe she needs this closure. But in the process we had a great laugh about men and their madness in general. My friend to add further complication and drama in her life, really badly wants a baby! I know this is not the right way to go about finding a man. You should have the man first and then the baby, oh well ideally! But she is at a stage where she wants a baby more than a man! I convinced her that she should dedicate 2009 in finding Mr Right. Let us assume that there is a Mr Right for all of us somewhere. Mine was/is sitting in Denmark and had it not been for this friend I would have never found him. Similarly hers might be somewhere, in fact anywhere from the North Pole to the South. Hopefully by the end of this year, she can plan her baby with her man. I hope he comes looking for her and is equally impatient to get to her, like she is. On a serious note, I am so happy that in spite of all the confusion my friend still is laughing about it and at herself.

This other friend of mine on the other hand is dating three men. Yes guys you read it right, she is currently, all at the same time dating three men. I am soooooo impressed and soooooooooo j. Well she says that she has nothing going on with any of them, but the very fact that she has three men to choose from is such a liberating idea. I mean just imagine on Monday you meet A, then Tuesday B and so on and so forth. If she is not in the mood for C, she can spend time with B. If B is being cranky, A is the man of the evening. Man I never had such choices in my life. And to top it, out of these three, my friend says two are definitely nice guys while the third one is totally into her. Every woman in her life must have such a situation at least once. Ever since I heard this, green spots have started coming on my face. First there were the pimples, then that awful mustache and now green spots!!!!! Some of us gets ugly spots while others all the men!

Another girl friend of mine has adopted a cat. Well she says it is a kitten and not yet a cat. Her husband had rescued this kitten who is really cute and rather nakhrewali. For this friend, this has made her really domesticated. She is the last person whom I imagined to have turned into a momma for a cat. She has promised to send pictures of her cat. Oh well this new year sure is churning out surprises in great numbers!

Random Quotes

"Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action -
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."
----Rabindranath Tagore

Pimple Story

Hey all,

How did you Christmas day go?

Mine went super, spent the day with my parents and we did lots of different things together.

Lately a really irritating pimple has been making my life and face feel really horrible. I am sure all of you have had pimples at some point in your lives or continue to have them.

Some of my friends are horribly pimple prone like Angira and Jayshree. Angira at one point could have very easily carried away the 'most pimple prone face award' of the decade. Jayshree is not that bad, but she keeps having pimples. Both these girls are Capricons and very conscious of their faces and takes a hell lot of effort to keep their faces oil free. You should see them when they apply multani mitti mask on their faces and sit immobile. That is the best time to tickle them or tease them, generally make them laugh. Oh how I love troubling them during those times. Best part is that they cant do anything at that point. Of course after they have washed off the face, I hear a volley of abuses.

The there are people who are more or less pimple prone like Anasua and my brother. They keep getting pimples, now and then. Anasua gets very purturbed with the pimples, makes loads of getting-rid-of-pimples-plans but ultimately does very little. While my brother could not be bothered any less. Generally I have seen women get more worked up with things like pimples than men do. Mostly men simply ignore these things and the pimples dry and vanish on their own sweet time. But women do a lot of funny and at times really strange stuff. I know of women who have refused to get out of home because pimples have appeared on their faces.

In my teenage, the idea was that the girls and boys who mature fast get pimples. There is a particular Bong word (paka) which used to be applied to them. "Peke gache tai brono berochee"...(They have matured that is why they are getting pimples.) So for girls getting pimples was one of the signs of graduating into womanhood.

I never had a single pimple during my teenage. Looking back I marvel at my good skin, but at that age skin quality was hardly an important factor! Fitting in with the norm was much more so. Now I sometimes get a stray pimple on my face. Applying a little sandalwood paste helps in drying it. As long as it is there I feel very disturbed, it is like an irritating fly buzzing. I keep poking the pomple till it disappears and leaves me and my face in peace.

Random Quotes: Friendship

'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly'

STRESSED...

Right now I am experiencing very high level of stress.

Ask me why? Even if you dont want to, lemme tell you...

I am quiting this present job of mine---loads of work to finish before I go-- not in the mood to work at all, but then how will I finish my work and get going?
Relocating to Kolkata at the end of this month-- frantically looking for a mover & packer who will not rip me, yet provide door to door service...calling them from morning....office people are giving wierd suggestions and cracking inane jokes which are not helping me at all. Why cant people know just when to crack jokes and when not to? Hope I am not this insensitive to others in plight or stress.
Travelling for the coming ten days for which shopping & packing still to finish-- lots left in the to do list.

So there are two parallel packing going on in my life--wrapping up two years of stuff, junk, memories and lots of unnecessary things is no mean job. At least it is freaking me completely. Also when I start doing something, I remember something else to do and then midway I get confused as to which one I should be doing first.

Right now it is a vicious vicious circle...am too stressed to finish stuff, since pending list is growing longer by the minute my stress level is shooting up.

Ok Suchismita, cool down my girl. Take a deep breathe and relax. It is just a mere transitory phase and soon you would be able to laugh over your stress like your officewallahs.

But what do I do till I get over this stress? Well bugger over it girl. I can almost see the sneer on the face of the men saying " this is the reason why we dont want women to be too independent...they fall apart everytime there is a crisis..."...!!!!!! At the risk of sounding helpless female I wish I had someone to help me with this. Not feeling too strong or independent right now...

Walk to work....

"'Walk to work' concept to tread into industrial policy"--Punjab government is planning to introduce this walk to office thing in their new industrial policy, so claims yahoo.

Cool, I would say. It is such a great relief if you are staying near office, and do not have to travel at all. When I got my job I was staying about 40 mins away and it used to cost me a bomb travelling by auto. So initially with great enthu I used to get up really early like freaking 6.30 in the morning and get out by 8 and run for the bus. This enthusiasm stayed all for 2 months. Soon I was reduced to taking autos. Initially I would make excuses to myself for giong by auto like 'today I am not feeling well', 'today there is an urgent deadline', so on and so forth. But very soon I got tired of that as well and started taking auto with impunity.

Fighting with autowallahs twice a day took me to a whole new level of aggression. I am sure a bit of agression is good in everyone, but where I was headed oh ho no you would not want to be that way. Also without my realising it I was getting really stressed about the whole travelling process. Now that I do not need to travel that much daily I realised what a burden it was.

Then when I was almost broke with this exhorbitant travel, I shifted 10 mins away from office. It was such a liberating feeling, I could afford to get up at 8 and then still be in office on time and spend a miniscule amount on travel. I remember during last winter I used to sleep till 9 or so and then just rush to office somehow.

Things got better. This summer we again shifted houses and this time landed up just 3/4 houses from office. Life got so much relaxed. Now sleeping time extended till 9.20, get up, rush to the loo and then somehow topple down the stairs and lo and behold I am in office.

One bad thing is once you shift this near to office your timming goes for a toss. Ever since I have shifted here, I must confess that I have rarely been punctual. Also you tend to loose your street smartness and super duper agression. Now seeing an overloaded bus makes me nervous while not in too distant future I could jump into one and muscle my way in.

If Punjab government introduces this policy I would definitely vote for this government.

What do you do when you have no money???

While growing up I dreamt of becoming a being of my own, a woman with an identity. I always assumed that whatever job/work I would do would get me money. I mean it never even registered in my muddled brain that I could become a modern working woman yet have no money in life. Women who have no money are the ones who are dependent on their fathers/brothers/spouses and cannot break through shackles however much they face discrimination. Since I had no interest in becoming such a person, money I assumed would flow naturally.

Problems cropped up when I decided to get into development field. In development field you get a lot of things like hands on experience, excitement, over work, interesting no highly interesting collegues, genuine warmth of people for whom you are working, sophistication of superior beings who work in UN and other such superior organizations but money. No ladies and gentlemen, you do not get any money. You go to work for a NGO they would welcome you, burry you under work but money, that is not a polite thing to ask for. What money? NGOs are hardly paying organizations, we can pay you enough to surivive a month in Delhi, well barely, rest please depend on others. So whom do you depend on? For me I went back to depending on my father.

Depending on father/brother/boy friend...does that make me a modern working woman? I mean not having enough money does that qualify me for the rest of the tag?

My colleagues and me, we keep cribbing about this lack of money in life. But lately this lack of money has been stressing me out with more frequency than what is good for my cholestrol level.

Time to look for some money making schemes.

• Ok, I could play lottery: Have any one of you won a lottery ever? I could play Lotto but going by my luck dont expect to win. I have never ever won any kind of lucky draw, let alone a lottery of millions. Worth a shot at least...
• Indulging in Criminal Activites: This could be a sure shot way to easy money making but since I am one of those hyper tensed people I do not think I would ever be able to enjoy the money acquired through this. Scrap...
• Business venture: Mmmmm...worth exploring....

Ok cant think of any more ideas...

This and that...

Ok, after a long time I am in blog writing mood. Now that I am in blogging mood, I cant seem to stop.

Durga Pujo 08 started today. Sasti or the sixth day when the grand aarati in the evening flags off the pujo officially. Today is the beginning of the Bengali Durga Pujo which though follows the navratra calender is different in lots of nice ways. For starters Bongs do not go on rigorous fast. This is the national Bong celebration time, we eat plenty, wear new clothes (two sets a day so a minimum of eight new clothes), new shoes (you can understand whether a person is wearing a new pair of shoes or not by watching the way he/she is walking, if the person walks normally not a chance but if he or she is limping, bingo) pandal hopping, hanging out in old favourite haunts, meeting with long forgotten friends etc.

I am in office on Sunday/ Sasti evening doing no good in particular or for that matter nothing harmful either (lets ignore those deep friend momos I gulped down half an hour ago dear friends) so thought I will catch with you guys. Yesterday Anant was saying that I have not written anything for a really long time, that I make do with photographs now a days. Now that I come to think about it, yes it is true, I do use photographs a lot. Also I have been distracted a lot lately. But blogging I shall continue, maybe some months the number of posting would go down but I would be here posting nonetheless. One piece of good news-- over the last few months I have come to realise that there getting bored is not a good option always.

Domestic Violence

Just beneath our terrace house lives a family. The husband is alcoholic, does not work and basically lives a parasitic life and is extremely violent, the wife still believes that her husband is some dashing knight or circumstances make her so deluded. There is also a mother-in-law who works in a gurudwara (sikh place of worship) and is the sole bread earner of the family. There are two children.

When we initially shifted, this man had come up one day with his baby and tried to chat with us. All three of us felt he is a slimy looking no-good fellow without even knowing his background. We cold shouldered him and later asked our landlord and got the full version. Our landlord seemed really fed up with the never ending marital crisis of his neighbours.

Ever since we hear sounds from downstairs on an on and off basis.

Yesterday night we went out for dinner, while climbing the stairs heard a huge commotion. The husband was roaring and he was hitting his wife so hard that we could hear her hit against the wall. The children were crying, muffled sounds of the mother-in-law could also be heard.

The neighbours were all quiet. We stood in our terrace and could see other heads peeping from houses but no one said anything. Anubha wanted to go and ring the bell. There is a campaign against domestic violence, whenever you heard violence happening just go ring the bell, that would put a stop to it at least temporarily.

Jayshree was not happy with the idea, neither was I. So on Jayshree's suggestion Anubha called the police. As usual there was jurisdiction problem. In India I think administration and police are more bothered about their jurisdiction than anything else. If only they put that much effort in their work. Anyways, about 15 minutes later a police man did turn up. But he could not locate the house. We did some mad and silent waving from our terrace to indicate the house. He climbed up and knocked. The man said it was his personal matter, in flats even if you make a little sound (banging your wife is making a little sound) it escaltes. The wife said her husband is a good man and has supported her through and through (by of course turning her into a pulp) and that she has no complaints against him. Only the mother-in-law said that she was a heart patient and that such episodes make her feel really sick. The police man then asked them to lower their sound and went off with a warning.

Thankfully after that, the sound from that house stopped coming.

Who is at fault here? The husband who beats his wife up or the wife who keeps supporting her husband and would till finally he injuries her so much that she will die. She must be dying a little everytime he is so violent. Why does she take it? Why do parents raise their daughters up to take such shit? When will we stop giving this crap about private matters being outside the jurisdiction of the public? Violence is violence, whether it is happening on the roads or inside houses, right? Why is such a simple thing so difficult to understand?

I know of women who have been in such violent situations and they have emerged out, though the process was long and draining. But women do come out with their family's support and lead healthy and normal life.

Pampering...

Before bombs blasted and all, I was having a very indulgent Saturday. Once a month I go to pamper myself in the beauty parlour underneath our house. This Saturday when I went to the parlour it was totally empty so all the three girls who work there concerntrated their energies on me. Boy it felt so good. I felt totally pampered and very very good. Sitting there with three girls working away on making me feel good I just could understand what the princesses and queens of yester years must have felt. Ah imagine daily dose of such indulgence. What pleasure. Me being me, I started thinking whether it was worthwhile to surrender all personal liberties for such indulgence. Then I told myself "Suchismtia snap out, no one is giving such an option to you, so stop finding fairness even in your day dream". Anubha also had a similar experience on Sunday. While I thought of erstwhile princesses and queen, Anubha thought that it was her wedding day and hence the pampering.
Silly us women, we pay for services and then end up feeling so good that we forget we are paying for it and start day dreaming about it.
But it was a great feeling indeed.

Fly Away...

All of her days have gone soft and cloudy

All of her dreams have gone dry

All of her nights have gone sad and shady

She's getting ready to fly

Fly away, fly away, fly away

Life in the city can make you crazy

For sounds of the sand and the sea

Life in a high-rise can make you hungry

For things that you can't even see

Fly away, fly away, fly away

In this whole world there's nobody as lonely as she

There's nowhere to go and there's nowhere that she'd rather be

She's looking for lovers and children playing

She's looking for signs of the spring

She listens for laughter and sounds of dancing

She listens for any old thing

Fly away, fly away, fly away

This is a song by John Denver, he wrote all his own songs.

How can I -ever- pay you back?

So, let me get this straight:
You tear my veil to free me
You jail me to rid me of my terror
You kill my beloved to liberate me
You shoot my baby to erase my misery
You starve me to show me how to vote
You threaten me to bring me to my senses
You wage war on me to help me find peace
You slay my people to teach me compassion
You humiliate me to aid me live with dignity
You insult me to illustrate freedom of speech
You crush my bones to save me from my evil
You demolish my home to elevate my morality
You uproot my tree to raise my ethical standard
You steal my resources to bring me social justice
You assassinate my leaders to bring me security
You bomb my town to train me into democracy
You destroy my history to educate me about progress
You dehumanise me to coach me into humanity
You wipe me out to push me to civilisation
You scorn my faith to bring me salvation
Thank you sir
How can I -ever- pay you back?

Posted by nahida on September 5, 2008 at 1:25pm in Poetry and literature http://tinyurl.com/6ljb8t

Scared Shit...

Are you one of those who scare easily? If you are, I totally empathise with you dear reader. If not, then this is not for you to read and laugh about the lesser mortals like us who are prone to fear. I am one of those people who is scared of everything-- human beings (leary men and scheming women), ghosts, spirits, unknown assassins, lightenings, storms, calling bells tinkling at odd hours, darkness, unknown, relationships, commitments, horror movies, creepy stories, spending the night alone in a house...you name it and it is already there on my list. I have already been afraid of it at some point.

This is what Anubha my flatmate and dear friend has to say about me and my bravery "Now Suchi is someone who gets startled even if you walk past her into your own room at any point of time, sometimes i think she is going to have a heart attack if i walk past too often!!!".

Since I was a kid I hated watching even the silliest of fight sequences in Hindi movies. So I just shut my eyes, or cover them with my hands or better still keep a pillow or at the very least a duppatta to protect me from bad scenes. I remember my father trying very hard to deter me from doing such silly things but then I would just get up and leave the room. So after a point of time he stopped and thoughtfully nod his head like "what will happen to this silly girl?".

I have just watched two/three horror/ghost movies in my life time, simply because my brother insisted and made me watch. One was Psycho and the other was Sixth Sense and another one was Ghost (imagine not seeing Ghost and missing out on all that great romance). While watching these movies, when creepy scenes came I would just cover my eyes and try and shut out the sound till my brother would shake me to inform that the scary part was over and that I can safely open my eyes.

The other night I was talking to Sapphire when he said that one of his friends who has passed away, still has got an active Orkut account and people scrap and all. The whole night I dreamt of some dead man operating an Orkut account and visiting me not only in Orkut but in real life. Just imagine! I have even thought over potential conversations with ghosts if they ever visit me. Of course this was inspired by Charles Dicken's novel Christmas Carol and the conversations Ebenezer Scrooge had with the Christmas spirits visiting him.

My cousin brother in Delhi, himself a more easily scared guy than me, takes great pleasure in trying to scare me. The first few occassions I would get really scared but soon realised the more scared I get, the more fun he is going to get. So I devised a method-- when he tried to scare me I would scream and keep screaming so much so that he would get scared himself. This method proved to be really successful and he has finally outgrown the habit of trying to scare me.

Once in home someone got a really scary looking mask and there was a mad round of shreiking and screaming. Everyone got scared except my dad. It is ironical that my father is someone who is never scared of anything and me, his daughter is such a scary being.

Half A Century...

Hey do you know in July I actually wrote 49 pieces, hence this to mark the half century. God knows whether I will write this much in any other month. Dont think I can churn out junk at this consistent rate forever.

But how to mark this half century. Ok let me share two photos with you. This was taken in Kensington Market, Toronto. This market was/is a bit hippie and bohemian. I lived just 5 minustes away from it and loved walking through the place on my way back from school. Each cafe/shop/individual of that area was/is extremely interesting.

This old and rejected car was standing in front of a cafe for a long time and then one day I saw they had started filling it up with earth. I loved what they eventually did with it. Enjoy.

One More Time...

Ok I know I must be going on and on about rainy days, but what to do, I do love the rains. On sunny and slow afternoon like today day dreaming about rains helps me keep awake and cheers me up. Last Sunday around mid morning suddenly the rains came. I was alone at home making some green tea. I went out with my tea in the terrace and got wet to my heart's content. Hemanta Mukherjee's eei meghla
din ee ekla ( I know I have spoken about this song also much too often, another of my favourite things) was playing loudly. Our terrace looks beautiful during the rains.

Saturday also I got wet with Smriti. We made ourselves some green tea and then I took some photos of Smriti in the rain. Had a lovely time.

Am sure all our neighbours think Anubha, Jayshree and me, we all three are mad and I am the maddest.

Our neighbours are really curious about us and our assembly. Somehow we dont fit into the neighbourhood. Not that we care. It is predominantly a family kind of place. Starting from the small press walleka ladka (the boy who comes to deliver our pressed clothes from the neighhood's press man) to our next door grocery shop owner to our maid to our landlady everyone is dying to know why we are not married and when we will do so. And when boys/men friends come visiting, curious eyes agog with thousand questions never leave us.

Talking about neighbours, a funny thing happened. Jayshree's uncle came visiting last to last week. He asked for our flat downstairs and someone apparently told him "oh that house where the three fat girls live?". Jayshree has gone to shock state since then. Beechari as it is she is sooo cautious and careful about what she eats and always trying to diet and excercise. Horror of horror she gets branded as fat. Poor dear has stopped eating (almost, she is suriviving on spinach) these days while Anubha and me, we are on yummy cakes and muffins and cheese bread.