Conversations with the self...

What am I in search of?
Is it work?
Just work?
No I don't think so...
I am in search of myself...
In search of the work that makes me...
Can work make me?
Yes, for me, it does...
I am certainly a lot of the work that I do...
I am me to myself because of the work I do...
So what about my relationships?
They are important, no very important...
I can gladly walk bare foot on hot coals for them...
But what I have realised is that my relationship with myself is
Through the work I do...
Am I limiting myself?
Is my definition of my self narrow?
Too work based?
Maybe, maybe not....
All I know work makes me happy, fulfilled and satisfied...
It gives my life a shape, a purpose and a direction...
Without it I feel all lost...
Like a boat, adrift in the sea...

Three's of Me....

Don't remember if I have done this one before. Got time to waste so here I go....

THREE NAMES I GO BY

1. Suchi

2. Guria

3. Tinku

I am so relieved that my pet names are pretty respectable compared to the rest of the Bong ones! Thank God for small mercies....

 THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE

1. Teaching Assistant

2. Project Manager

3. Volunteer Coordinator (fun job)

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED IN

Not mentioning Kolkata 

1. Delhi

2. Toronto

3. Oxford

THREE THINGS THAT I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT

Now this is super cheesy!

1. Believe in God & self

2. Hopes and Dreams

3. Peace of mind

THREE THINGS I AM PROUD OF

1. My identity

2. Ability not to give up

3. Fighter instinct

THREE THINGS THAT I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT MYSELF

1. My figure

2. My nose

3. My height

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH

1. Sarabhai vs Sarabhai....love this show...

2. IT Crowd....cos of my husband, but like it too :)

3. Come Dine with Me...our fav show here in the UK

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN TO

1.Kalimpong

2.Quebec

3.Jaipur

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO

1. Ireland & Scotland & Italy & Belgium & the Netherlands & France

2. Morocco & Turkey & Egypt & Mongolia & Tibet & Vietnam &.....

3. All of India

To make matters easy, can I just say the whole world and then some???

THREE FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE

1. Rabindrasangeet

2. World folk

3. Country

THREE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO

1. Finding my way back into the groove of things

2. Friends

3. Love lasting ever after

THREE FAVOURITE DRINKS:

1. Green tea

2. Cold water

3. Recently getting into coffee, black and strong...

THREE FAVOURITE DESERTS
1. Cheesecakes
2. Moong Dal Ka Halwa
3. Kaju Barfi

THREE OF MY FAVORITE CUISINE

1. Dimma ar Ma ar haat er ranna (food cooked by my mom and grandma)

2. Vietnamese

3. Biriyani (complete cuisine in itself)

THREE MUST HAVES IN MY PURSE/BAG:

1. Money

2. Cell phone

3. Oyster Card

Pretty boring? I know....;)

THREE FAVOURTIES FROM MY WARDROBE:

1. My saris...

2. All things black...

3. My new brown sweater...

THREE FAVOURITE ACCESSORIES

1. Silver jeweleries spl ear rings, now and ever after....

2. Red boots

3. My scarves...

THREE MAKE UP ESSENTIALS

1. Kohl for the eye

2. Lip gloss/lip stick

3. Oli of Olay moisturizing lotion...

THREE BEAUTY/MAKE UP TIPS

Ghosh whoever thought a day will come when I will give beauty tips!!!!!

1. Wash your hair with beer/cider to make it shine

2. Clean your face after coming back from outside

3. Use organic beauty products...

THREE TIPS TO RELAX

1. Long bubble bath with scented candles...

2.Curl up with good book with a packet of crisps...

3. Evening with friends, laughing over inane stuff....

THREE INDULGENCES

1. Chocolates

2. Perfumes

3. Flowers

I could write about 300 of these :)

THREE ESSENTIALS IN MY GROCERY LIST

1. Meat

2. Yogurt

3. Fruits

THREE GOOD HABITS I AM TRYING TO PICK UP

1. Eat only organic food (have converted to the veggies and fruits, got to switch the other stuff as well...problem is budget shoots up)

2. 5 a day of fruits and veggie helpings....

3. Use  plastic as less as possible (in modern living this is almost impossible, but can be done with bit of thought and planning)

THREE LONG TERM PLANS

1. Live an organic, plastic free, chemical free life

2. Work at the grassroots with vulnerable groups

3. Be more creative

THREE HOBBIES

1. Reading (my salvation)

2. Cooking

3. Exploring and experimenting


THREE FAVOURITE FESTIVALS
1. Holi
2. Bhaiphota
3. Saraswati pujo

THREE THINGS I AM GOOD AT

1. Organizing, planning and executing with what my husband says surgical precision

2. Understanding and empathizing

3. Dreaming

THREE THINGS THAT CHEER ME UP

1. Gifts

2. Friends

3. Family

THREE INTERESTING THINGS THAT I DID RECENTLY:

1. Explored a bit more of London

2. Had great dinner on Friday, good food in nice ambiance and loads of laughter...

3. Made lamb roast with Indian masalas (came out really well)

 PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY:

1. Angira

2. Soumitro

3. Srimanta dada

PEOPLE WHO CALL ME REGULARLY:

1. Chordi & Rima

2. Dupu (used to...till he got busy or....)

3. My parents

Never cease?

Years ago it was the late night flights piercing the dark Calcutta sky. Sleepless I used to stand in my window and gaze at them with longing. From my window I got a clear view of the sky above. Sometimes it would be inky blue sky dotted with thousands of twinkling stars, sometimes a full moon would envelope the whole sleeping world into its silvery rays, sometimes in the darkness of a moonless night a black bird would silently fly by, sometimes it would rain so much that I could hardly open my window, except a crack.  Most nights the planes would go by. They would come into my view as tiny dots of light, grow steadily to reveal a silver machine carrying hundreds of people to a far away destination. I would feel terribly jealous of all those sitting in those planes, flying far, far away. Away from all the heartbreak, tears, the known and the mundane. I would foolishly think that traveling physical distance would absolve my pain and rid me of memories.
Now I smile at my  foolishness. How naive I was!
Thousands of miles later, I know that distance does not erase pain, time does. I know there is no easy way out, a broken heart does not mend itself quickly, nor are there any good medicines guaranteeing hundred percent cure. I know new pain takes over older ones. From life's experiences a new person emerges, fleshed with a bit of past embedded in the present.  But inspite of it all life goes on at her own sweet pace.
This time there are no planes in my slice of the night sky. There are  trains whooshing by, rushing off into the darkness. The carriages of the trains look to be in a great hurry, pushing and clanging, making a mighty din. They seem so sure of their destination, they look eager to reach that place and dump the load they have to carry. In the dark of the night, they look like naughty, noisy children rushing off to play. Once they pass by, the silver tracks look empty and bereft. A deep silence replaces the clanging sound. The night regains its poise and lulls us back to sleep. I look longingly at those rushing carriages  wishing I could be in one of them, crouched among the cars, or other goods they carry, or sitting on top of one of them, my face raised towards the sky, the wind kissing my face. I would not mind the discomfort or the cold as long as it took me to far distant lands, to the unknown, to some adventure, away from the mundane.
Will my longing for the unknown never cease?

Love & Peace

Just read something which the writer has signed off with the usual 'love & peace'. I know it is fairly common but today it makes me pause and wonder.

It is just silly me pondering but do we really have both love and peace in our lives? Can we have both love and peace at the same time? How inter dependent are love and peace in our lives? Do we have to be in love to feel peaceful or do we have to be peaceful to be in love? Or are they completely seperate emotions achievable on their own? Are they actually emotions? I would say love is an emotion or rather a state of emotion and peace defnitely is a state of mind. So when we are in love and be peaceful does that mean we are emotionally and mentally secure, happy and without any emotional stress?

Love & peace...weighty phrase....I wish I could say for definite both of these are in my life and here to stay forever.....

Pimple Story

Hey all,

How did you Christmas day go?

Mine went super, spent the day with my parents and we did lots of different things together.

Lately a really irritating pimple has been making my life and face feel really horrible. I am sure all of you have had pimples at some point in your lives or continue to have them.

Some of my friends are horribly pimple prone like Angira and Jayshree. Angira at one point could have very easily carried away the 'most pimple prone face award' of the decade. Jayshree is not that bad, but she keeps having pimples. Both these girls are Capricons and very conscious of their faces and takes a hell lot of effort to keep their faces oil free. You should see them when they apply multani mitti mask on their faces and sit immobile. That is the best time to tickle them or tease them, generally make them laugh. Oh how I love troubling them during those times. Best part is that they cant do anything at that point. Of course after they have washed off the face, I hear a volley of abuses.

The there are people who are more or less pimple prone like Anasua and my brother. They keep getting pimples, now and then. Anasua gets very purturbed with the pimples, makes loads of getting-rid-of-pimples-plans but ultimately does very little. While my brother could not be bothered any less. Generally I have seen women get more worked up with things like pimples than men do. Mostly men simply ignore these things and the pimples dry and vanish on their own sweet time. But women do a lot of funny and at times really strange stuff. I know of women who have refused to get out of home because pimples have appeared on their faces.

In my teenage, the idea was that the girls and boys who mature fast get pimples. There is a particular Bong word (paka) which used to be applied to them. "Peke gache tai brono berochee"...(They have matured that is why they are getting pimples.) So for girls getting pimples was one of the signs of graduating into womanhood.

I never had a single pimple during my teenage. Looking back I marvel at my good skin, but at that age skin quality was hardly an important factor! Fitting in with the norm was much more so. Now I sometimes get a stray pimple on my face. Applying a little sandalwood paste helps in drying it. As long as it is there I feel very disturbed, it is like an irritating fly buzzing. I keep poking the pomple till it disappears and leaves me and my face in peace.

Editor Bob

Do you guys read Editor Bob?

He is the guy who writes the newsletters form 123Greetings.com. Some years back while sending a ecard through 123 Greetings I had accidentally clicked on newsletter service. So next week a newsletter was delivered to my inbox faithfully, only to be deleted promptly by me. Newsletters always bore me.

Then one day while cleaning up my spam mail I saw a couple of Editor Bob emails. Before heartlessly deleting them, I decided to open one and see what was in it. I was expecting samples of new ecards. But to my amazement found this very interesting piece of write-up-- nothing heavy, just easy stuff, mostly about friends and upcoming evnets and how this guys was planning to spend them. His writing is very lucid and while reading it you would feel like you know all his friends, you get to know about his crushes etc etc. It is a bit like reading the Friends series than watcing it.

Ever since I have been hooked to Editor Bob's writing. What seems like fun, light reading to us, am sure the guy must be sweating it out to write. In my experience simple writing is the most difficult to achieve.

Those of you who enjoy reading should give him a try, he is a great read at the middle of a hectic day in office. A strong excuse of mine to take a break.

Good Inbox Days...

What are good inbox days?

The days when you open your inbox or refresh it in the morning and there awaiting you are a couple or more emails. Ah the joy I feel on those days. I love reading the emails of my loved ones and friends slowly and sometimes reread, most of the times there is a smile on my face while reading.

The days get better if more emails hit my inbox throughout the day.

Even though I catch up with my friends on the chat, I prefer reading an email. It has the essence of a letter and can be enjoyed at my own time and pace. There was a time when Angira did not have chat access and we emailed each other about 20 to 30 times a day. These emails generally were very informal and sometimes would contain just one line. But I think we communicated way better than now we do on chat.

I started interacting with Indranil through emails as well. That time a strange email fever had gripped us both. We would be emailing each other once a day but that email would be the mother of all emails-- it would be about 5/10 pages long and be stuffed with thoughts. I remember getting up early early in the mornings just to check his email and enjoy it in the morning peace. He also used to enjoy reading my reply (he lives in a 4 hour later time zone) while sipping his morning coffee. Throughout the day I would plan what all to out in my reply. I would be having a foolish smile lingering on my face much to the delight of my friends who were ready with merciless teasing. According to Jayshree the expression on my face while I was reading his email was worth documenting. I am sure I must have looked crazily foolish and besooted!

Sometimes I reread those emails just to connect back to those crazy days.

And then there are bad inbox days like today. Apart from two mails which were waiting for me, not a single email has hit my inbox and not a single friend has pinged me. I hate these mostly because then I have no reason to take a break from work. Also somewhere it feels like my friends have forgotten me. On these bad days I usually get into cranky moods and then God save whoever crosses my path.

I know good reason and sound logic says that we should not let external factors control our moods. Payal always gives the example of Samantha from The Sex and the City. Samantha was one gal who was always happy or sad because of her own self and not anyone else. But I am sure Sam was also a human or rather a fictional human and she also was sometimes sad because of external reasons.

And then there are sappy inbox days when wierd forwards simultanously blessing and cursing you keep comming or one of your friends or nephew goes mad and sends about 20 forwards at one go. Then you just do not know whether to read or delete them.

Ugly inbox days are when a bad piece of news comes through a email, but it has the flip side sometimes happy or good news always comes through. But generally I hate opening those emails and they always make my stomach growl. The hate the moments when they hit the inbox and till I am reading them. If the news is good, then I relax, stomach settles down and I reread to confirm the news, if it is bad news, stomach becomes worse, I feel totally incredulous and immediately delete the email.

Anways, have a good inbox day guys.

STRESSED...

Right now I am experiencing very high level of stress.

Ask me why? Even if you dont want to, lemme tell you...

I am quiting this present job of mine---loads of work to finish before I go-- not in the mood to work at all, but then how will I finish my work and get going?
Relocating to Kolkata at the end of this month-- frantically looking for a mover & packer who will not rip me, yet provide door to door service...calling them from morning....office people are giving wierd suggestions and cracking inane jokes which are not helping me at all. Why cant people know just when to crack jokes and when not to? Hope I am not this insensitive to others in plight or stress.
Travelling for the coming ten days for which shopping & packing still to finish-- lots left in the to do list.

So there are two parallel packing going on in my life--wrapping up two years of stuff, junk, memories and lots of unnecessary things is no mean job. At least it is freaking me completely. Also when I start doing something, I remember something else to do and then midway I get confused as to which one I should be doing first.

Right now it is a vicious vicious circle...am too stressed to finish stuff, since pending list is growing longer by the minute my stress level is shooting up.

Ok Suchismita, cool down my girl. Take a deep breathe and relax. It is just a mere transitory phase and soon you would be able to laugh over your stress like your officewallahs.

But what do I do till I get over this stress? Well bugger over it girl. I can almost see the sneer on the face of the men saying " this is the reason why we dont want women to be too independent...they fall apart everytime there is a crisis..."...!!!!!! At the risk of sounding helpless female I wish I had someone to help me with this. Not feeling too strong or independent right now...

Durga Pujo is here...well almost...

Durga Pujo starts this Monday and folks back home are getting frenzied. My parents have asked me a couple of hundred times whether I have got new clothes, if I am going to take leave and visit pujo pandals in C R Park (bongo heartland of Delhi). I assure them that I am ready for pujo. But truth be told this year I have had not done any preparations. Dont know why, it is not that I am very busy this year. That was last year's story. Just before pujo I was so busy that I was working almost 20 hours a day for a month, but even then I managed to get some new clothes and by the time pujo came I shifted to my cousin's house in C R Park with all my new fineries and had a great pujo.

But this year I am just not in the mood. Imagine pujo is here and I am not in the mood!

I am throughly scandalised at my own lack of interest.

Pirates...

Today Yahoo is flashing on its web page an article on the richest pirates of the world and the most dangerous waters. Just imagine being a pirate in the Malaccan Straits and living a dangerous life attacking ships!

I dont know why but I am very attracted to sea men and if they are dangerous pirates the attraction increases manifold. Reading about these pirates and the waters they ply I so long to be one of them and just roam around the world.

As a kid I was facinated with the adventures of Sindabad the Sailor, from the Arabian Knight's Tales. He was my ideal hero, he was free as a bird and an explorer and adventurer to boot. How lucky he was, I often used to think. I had this Amar Chitra Katha series of Sinabad's stories. I used to look at the graphics where Sindabad would be fighting with a huge bird with flapping wings or trying to stave off a huge python which has somehow wound its way around his neck and I would be terrified yet have immense faith in his ability to deal with all menancing things.

In fact at one point I used to day dream about being the female version of Sindbad and have the adventures that he had. Or maybe marry a modern version of Sindbad and sail away to sunset.

Then I got my hands on R.L. Stevenson's The treasure Island and some more sea and ship wreck. My imagination went into overdrive.

Ever since I have picked up all sea related books and read them. Funny thing is I have never sailed or been on a ship. Maybe that is why this facination exists.

Garcia's "Love in the Times of Cholera" also had a lot of sea and ships involved and I just loved the book.

Beth, my Philipina friend introduced me to the Pirates of the Carribean movie series. Johnny Depp is as it is a yummy piece of a man. As a pirate he is just mind blowing. Those movies can be seen just to olge at Johnny Depp. A big tub of hot buttery pop corn and Johnny Depp on the screen with a bunch of like minded girl friends make a perfect Saturday night. Another layer to facination with pirates for me. Today reading the article and looking at the photographs of the sea ports and straits makes me really nostalgic and dreamy.

Destressing Activities...

This weekend I was rather stressed and whenever I am strssed I eat way too much or immerse myself into a book. But strangely I did not feel like eating, most probably because I was already stuffed after a vert late lunch and for the last few months have not been reading at all. Right now going through a phase where I just cannot concerntrate. So I did some creative work to keep my mind off. I had picked up these bells when I had gone to Bilaspur district of Himachal Pradesh way back in May. These bells are sold in Dilli Haat and while I have a few small ones cant get enough of them. While in HP I kept meeting cows and bullocks who had these bells on their neck. Asking around I was told that I would find these bells in hardware stores. So next time I was in a market went to the nearest hardware store and got it. But unline the ones which are sold in Dilli Haat these bells came without any frill. So decided that I would decorate them with some beads. Now where to find beads. Bought some beady wristlets and got the beads from them. Finally after a good 5 months of planning one evening of stress got me finish these.I made some fishes for my office soft board last year or so. While making those promised Jayshree that I would make her some as well. Finally Jayshree got her fishes this Saturday.

Teasing

Growing up in a big family like mine, teasing was/still is a part of daily life. Cousins would mercilessly tease, so would elders. My first memories of teasing was in my mamarbari (mama ka ghar) where when I was all of four/five years old everyone starting from my grandparents to uncles to their friends would tease me that my father used to work in a tea shop. Now I have always been my daddy's daughter and very dad proud. To me it seemed like an intolerable accusition to call my daddy a tea shop worker when he actually worked in a tea company and visited tea gardens. I was hell bent on correcting their misconception and in the process would have roaring fights. My mother would be a silent spectator in all this and just smile, taking neither sides. But she says never once did I back down or cry. I remember calling up my dad and complaining about what all people were saying and then asking him to confirm my faith in him or rather the kind of work he did. Like my mom, my dad would also just smile and not say much. This would frustrate me but my faith in my dad would be unshakable.
In school my friends always called me mooti/ fatso. But that hardly had any impact on me, I was/am fat so why fight over an obvious truth? So unbothered was I, that my friends finally dropped that nickname in frustration.
I remember when I was in class ix/x my cousins started teasing me with a classmate of mine. I used to get so very bothered and angry. The angier I got, the more my cousins would have fun.
Over the years I polished my own teasing capabilities. According to my friends I can be quiet lethal and ruthless when I get down to serious teasing. Even my friends in office swear by my lethalness. But lately a strange state of affairs have ensued. Freinds in office are giving me back all the teasing that I have ever heaped on them. To put it in Hindi "chun chun ke badla lena". It is a bit like lif coming to full circle.
One of the major things that I am teased about ruthlessly/mercilessly/heartlessly in office is my Hindi. Oh well my Hindi speaking capability is not really anything to write home about still yaar a hapless Bong gal is trying to pick up a new language, give her some leeway. No these snooty North Indians are after my blood. Can you imagine how difficult it is for me with my broken Hindi to survive in Delhi?
Just remember dear friends every dog has his day.

Candle Lit Bathrooms

Candle light dinners are heard of and romanticised about, but have you ever heard of candle lit bathrooms? This is the photo of our bathroom (Anubha's and mine). The bulb went out and us being very lazy bugs weare, we just kept delaying replacing the bulb. Then one evening I tried having a shower without any light and felt a little of the problems that a visually impaired person faces every moment. As a temporary solution I got this candle into our bathroom. This temporary solution worked for a really long time till I returned from Kolkata to find that Anubha finally replaced the bulb. No more candle lit bathrooms for us.

Home Sweet Home

Dear friends,

Am back from my two weeks break at home. It does feel a bit horrible, though it is nice to be back in touch with all my friends in Delhi and also I kinda missed our terrace and bits and parts of office or rather the people. Needless to say way too much work piled up but not started any of it. "Time to get back to work Suchismita" I tell myself but so far my brain is refusing to process this information.

Since I am still so gung ho about home, googled water colour paintings of home and some very nice pictures flashed up. Putting up two for you.

Sincerely,

Blogger back to blogging

Happy Wednesday

Mills & Boons

You read M&Bs! :O (Horror written all over the face)
How tacky! (With nose up in the air, it’s a real art the ‘holding up nose’ I tell you)
Ah you are a closet romantic! (With utmost suspicion, like romantics are akin to Al Queda and dawning realization that I am one of them)
Don’t you get bored? (With a yawn and the unsaid air like I never read anything less intellectual than Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer and Nietzsche, ok too German maybe Plato, Aristotle, Rousseau, and Marx et al.)
How teenage! (With a superior air, like they are eighty-year-old grandmas, my grandma, God bless her, is more sporting than that)

I do read M&Bs. More than that I love M&Bs. If reading M&Bs makes me tacky then I am not only tacky, I am mother superior of all tackiness. Didn’t you know I am a die hard romantic? Ah the feminist grab fooled you, but I am someone who believes feminism and romance goes hand in hand, you just need the right kind of guy. Bored while reading a M&B? Never, unless the author has done a real shitty job. Well I maybe going on thirty one but in heart am still a sweet sixteen. Thanks for acknowledging it.
Once the fact that you read M&Bs gets known this is the general reaction you mostly get. I do know because I have been getting these kind of reactions since class VII. Yes been reading them since then. Don’t remember who introduced me, but my two elder cousin sisters used to read and rave about them, but whenever I wanted access to one, they would be very mysterious and say, “Not now when you grow up”. It was one of the things that you do when you become a teenager. Oh how impatient I used to be. So finally in class VII, I got my hands on the first M&B. Have been severely hooked ever since. Over the years there have been many funny incidents over my reading M&Bs.
I lent a M&B to one of my classmates, her mother caught her reading it and she confiscated it. Not only that, that draconian lady came to school and gave me a lecture on morality (not knowing that her own daughter was planning to elope with a guy and go and live in Assam at the age of fourteen, so much for moral policing). I still remember that day when after school she came to meet me, there was students all around us, having fun, me along with one of my loyal friend who decided to face the music with me, listening to her lectures.
Every night after reading the M&B, while going to bed I would drop the book in the space between my bed and the window, which was just next to my bed. This was my effort not to let my parents know what I was reading. Every morning my dad would come to the room, to wake my brother and me up, open the window and lean over, pick up the book and keep it on the window ledge. So much for trying to hide the books. But he never said anything, never tried any funny censoring. My mom tried once, but soon lost steam and backed off. (That is the good thing about my mom, she looses interest pretty soon.) So with parental non interference I kept reading these books.
Some where along the line my cousin brother in Delhi had the funny idea that I should not be allowed to read M&Bs, so what he used to do was come and snatch the book away. We used to have huge rows over that.
In JNU hostel one of my seniors had a huge stack of M&Bs, which she graciously lent me. Angira my ex room mate and present Delhi best friend is not into reading books and she hates it when I am in the middle of one. She specially hates M&Bs because she feels these are totally nonsensical and worthless books. Once I was deep into a M&Bs and Angira kept on talking.
Listen I think X is really having an affair with Y.
Hmmm.
What do you think?
Hmmmmm
P was saying ABCD is a good movie, lets go on Sunday.
Hmmm
Don’t you have to finish that essay? Get up and do some work. Can’t understand what you keep reading.
Mmm.
Will you kindly take off that horrible book off your face and listen to me?
Mm. (In my head I scream "Yaar my hero and heroine are in a really romantic mood and starting to have hot sex, so will you please shut up!!!!").
Total silence for five minutes. Ah she heard my silent scream. My hero and heroine are done with their sex, sated they fall asleep. I look up. Where has Angira gone? I see her on her bed, curled up with a book. I get up to enquire, she and non study books dont go too well together. She is reading the UN Charter.
“We The Peoples Of The United Nations Determined…”
[Had my mom been present she would immediately get on pet her hobby horse ‘me-bashing’. Dekha (see) this is why Angira gets a first class, because the girl has dedication while you…etc.]
Thankfully my mom was not there and I found the situation was so incongruous that I laughed and laughed.
This is how I have been going on. Lately haven't been getting access to M&Bs and I do miss them. If you have old stock and need spring cleaning, unlike Aatreyee please don’t sell it to the junk man, please give them to me.

May my sweet relationship with M&Bs continue for life and keep flourishing. Inshallah.

White on White

While browsing through the bumper stickers in my Facebook I came across this one. Looking at this stick took me back to my childhood days. As a child I never could figure out what the white crayon or colour pencil was always included in every pack. It bothered me immensely that I could not get any colour out of it. Then I had the brilliant idea of using the white crayon on black papers. Then it looked way better.

One More Time...

Ok I know I must be going on and on about rainy days, but what to do, I do love the rains. On sunny and slow afternoon like today day dreaming about rains helps me keep awake and cheers me up. Last Sunday around mid morning suddenly the rains came. I was alone at home making some green tea. I went out with my tea in the terrace and got wet to my heart's content. Hemanta Mukherjee's eei meghla
din ee ekla ( I know I have spoken about this song also much too often, another of my favourite things) was playing loudly. Our terrace looks beautiful during the rains.

Saturday also I got wet with Smriti. We made ourselves some green tea and then I took some photos of Smriti in the rain. Had a lovely time.

Am sure all our neighbours think Anubha, Jayshree and me, we all three are mad and I am the maddest.

Our neighbours are really curious about us and our assembly. Somehow we dont fit into the neighbourhood. Not that we care. It is predominantly a family kind of place. Starting from the small press walleka ladka (the boy who comes to deliver our pressed clothes from the neighhood's press man) to our next door grocery shop owner to our maid to our landlady everyone is dying to know why we are not married and when we will do so. And when boys/men friends come visiting, curious eyes agog with thousand questions never leave us.

Talking about neighbours, a funny thing happened. Jayshree's uncle came visiting last to last week. He asked for our flat downstairs and someone apparently told him "oh that house where the three fat girls live?". Jayshree has gone to shock state since then. Beechari as it is she is sooo cautious and careful about what she eats and always trying to diet and excercise. Horror of horror she gets branded as fat. Poor dear has stopped eating (almost, she is suriviving on spinach) these days while Anubha and me, we are on yummy cakes and muffins and cheese bread.

Severly Affected by Monday Blues

Mondays are bad on normal days, but if you have been depressed for sometime like as in since before the weekend, then facing Mondays can be quiet intimidating. When I am sad/depressed I usually sulk, brood, don't talk much or when I talk say the wrong things to the wrong people and am a terrible sore to people who are used to seeing the sunny-side-up me. But what to do my Libran scales do tend to dip rather precariously on the negative at times.

So Monday morning I drag myself from bed, somehow wear the fist thing that came to my hand, which is severely crushed and badly needing ironing, don't bother with my usual dose of kajal and ear-rings and just come to office. In office after morosely looking at the piles of work waiting for the efficient me, I decide to do a google on 'how to cheer myself up'. Google has become the most steady thing in my life, it never fails to deliver or disappoint. Predictably some interesting and enlightening stuff come up. But the inappropriate things first.

Google seems to think that to cheer myself up, I need to shop for clothes and shoes, little does Google know I do not have any money to shop and that is one of the core reasons for my present state of mind. Reminder adds to further depression. Tsk...tsk...

Lo and behold, they even throw up diamonds and rubies and other glamourous women wearing such precious stuff. But they are so expensive and so much out of my reach that they don't even depress me. I just avoid them and pretend that they do not exist in my world. Am a non clutter and totally non showy girl, right?

Google throws up a lot of how to cheer kids up stuff. Don't adults need cheering up in this age and day? I certainly do and unfortunately mickey mouse does not do the trick for me anymore.

The search further throws up a lot of political leaders-- what for? How am I supposed to feel cheered seeing George Bush's face? Logic does not crack my fuddled brain, rather the political conscious side of me feels more depressed.

Eat...as if I didn't know about the eating therapy. How do you think women like me got fatter? I have been loyally succumbing to eating chocolates/ ice creams/ potato chips/ various other healthy junks ever since the day I got first depressed. Don't need to see vivid pictures of scrumptous cakes to make my mouth water early Monday morning.

Pictures of anorexic and zero size women looking happy with glowing skin, perfect hair and glamourous clothes---I do like to torture myself.

But not anymore, as they say if I do not love myself and value myself etc etc, then the others will also not do the same. So some good things....

Found this write to heal thing. And I have realised writing does help me lift my mood. So other fellow depressed souls you can try your hand at it.

Then found this nice picture of a girl trying to make some grumpy friend of her's smile. I can imagine her to be my friend and smile instead.

Ok I should not be utterly thankless, this morning when I came in, I saw my desk being miraculously cleaned, looking spic and span. Now did I ever confess that I am not world's tidiest person? In fact truth to be told I am pretty untidy and when papers keep piling up on my desk, I keep meaning to clean them, but never do. So every morning a messily littered desk greets me. But today morning when a nice, clean desk greeted me, I was really pleased. My roomie, the one who went for a date Saturday night, cooked breakfast, so day's eating started auspiciously and healthily. Also got a sms from a colleague cum friend that I should not bother to get lunch, since she is getting it for me. Since I have been plaguing her and her husband to feed me some nice non veg khanna (her husband cooks mean chicken) I kinda know what is going to greet me in lunch.

Come on now Suchismita time and reasons enough to cheer up ( afterall a woman's heart is through her tummy).

Oh no I tagged myself…..

1. Last movie you saw in a theater: Sex & The City (yes I finally saw it)
2. What book are you reading: Orhan Pamuk's Istanbul and Snow, William Dalrymple's The Last Mughal, rereading Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome and a love story called Resistance set in the Second World War times.
3.Favourite board game: Ludo and Chinese Checkers and loads of card games…also was learning chess at one point, loved it but….
4.Favourite magazine: None, read them only in doc's chambers…but would like to keep track of the National Geographic, Readers Digest, Times etc
5.Favourite smells: Loads of them—smell wafting in from my mother’s kitchen, fresh flowers, especially while passing some nook or cranny I can suddenly smell some far away flower, fruits like oranges and mangoes, eucalyptus oil, pages of a new book and also an old book, old clothes stored in my mother’s almirah, woolies when they come out after a year’s storage, babies smell, though only the good ones…list goes on….
6.Favourite sounds: My parents chatting together over morning tea, rain drops on the windowsill, music, laughter, strangers talking in foreign languages …
7. Worst feeling in the world: Death…and... the realization that I failed.
8.What is the first thing you think when you wake: On good days—Yes! I am happy and thankful to be alive and kicking and on bad days---Oh no work calls.
9.Favourite fast food place: Loads of them— topping the list would easily be roll corners of Kolkata.
10.Future child's name: Give me some time to rake my brains and names data base… 11.Finish this statement "If i had a lot of money i would” be rich!
12.Do you drive fast? – Don’t drive, after I nearly killed a man…
13.Do you sleep with a stuffed animal- Oh yes how did you guess? ;(
14.Storms cool or crazy? – Natural ones—cool as long as the roof over my head does not fly away, emotional ones--- super scary.
15.What was your first car? – I don’t have any…but can I talk about my dad’s first car please? It was an old Morris Minor model, which needed to be pushed in order to start…remember as a kid to pitch in the pushing bit…
16.Favourite drink- Water—cool and refreshing and also my regular cup of green tea.
17.Finish the statement "If i had the time I would"- run away to the Himalayas/ sleep for a month/ finish reading all the books in the world/ listen to all the music I can get my hands on……rest goes on in predictable manner…
18.Do you eat the stems on broccoli? – No never, not me.
19.If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice? Rainbow colours
20.Name all the different cities/town you have lived in.- Kolkata (home sweet home), Delhi and Toronto
21.Favourite sports to watch. – Figure skating
23.What's under your bed? - Bits and pieces of me, which decompose and fall of at times…
24.Would you like to be born as yourself again? – No way I am too boring to be reincarnated again and again. Need several more reincarnations— Celtic priestess, a mathematical genius during Harapan/ Vedic civilization, Egyptian Pharoah’s wife, Roman princess, a witch, a gypsy, Razia Sultana, a literally genius, a revolutionary fighting the Brits to quit India, one of the early feminists fighting for women’s franchise…. the list goes on…
25. Morning person or Night Owl? – Night person. Am not an owl please I do not squint.
26.Over easy or sunny side up? – Sunny side up please.
27.Favourite place to relax – Our terrace…it is the most awesome place in this whole wide world…and also my home Kolkata where I grew up.
28.Favourite pie - Apple with vanilla ice cream…forgotten the other pies...ah yes peacan pie...
29.Favourite ice cream flavour. –Loads of them…mostly fruity ones, sometimes chocolate…
30.Of all the people you tagged this to, who is most probable to respond first. - Didn’t tag anyone. Don’t have the patience…maybe some other time.