Bride Series 6: And the countdown has begun...

If my blog heading is sounding like the title of an Agatha Christie murder mystery, I cant help it guys. Marriage right now seems like a mystery with gigantic implications, looming large in my life.

A few days back I was rudely woken up by my super excited mother, who told me first thing in the morning that my marriage was an exact month away. Thank you very much ma, could you please let me sleep in peace for a few more minutes. My equally excited grandma called in the middle of a busy work afternoon to say that next month by this time I would be almost ready to receive my groom and begin our marriage ceremony. Being the over imaginative sort, I immediately visualised myself draped in a hot pink benarasi sari (looking extremely lumpy), standing with a huge garland of flower waiting for Indranil to come, who would gallop in a big white horse....total Bollywood flimy istyle! I was rudely awaken from my bollywood day dreams with a reminder of a deadline. Talk about injustices....


Imaginations apart, folks it is really true that my marriage has crossed the less than a month away barrier. It is now barely weeks away, soon it would be just days away and then the d day would arrive. Butterflies have built a huge nest in my tummy and they seem the extremely flighty sort who are always fluttering and flying about.


Tummy rumblings withstanding, as I sit nibbling cheese and Limca ( poor fuzzy substitute for wine) I cant help but dread the immense change that my life is going to go through because of this marriage business. And to think I agreed to it willingly. God there is such a huge/colossal/massive leap from a romantic proposal to the actual event.


Some shadi updates--


Indranil's grandma suddenly fell critically ill, had to be admited to ICU giving us all quiet a fright. Now thankfully she is ok and gone back home;


I have sent scores no hundreds of email invitations. Got back some very nice emails, wish had the time to answer each and every one of them, but alas...maybe when I get a little free;


Indranil has finally booked his return ticket from Copenhagen, he is quiet sad to be leaving Copenhagen, so out there guzzling as much beer as possible with his European friends;


Most of my shopping is over, little bits and pieces;


Dieting has gone for a toss, stopped all pretensions also. No one can charge me of being a hypocrite;


Read a very pacy Indian chick lit called "You are here" by some (most probably Meenakshi) Madhavan Reddy. The protagonist lives alone in Delhi, I so missed my life in Delhi reading about it. Realise with a start Anubha's, Jayshree's and my life in Delhi could have also been turned into a desi chick lit. To get back to the already written one, it is a hilarious book, very well written and honest too. This is one book where there is no happy ending at the end, only some solid self realisation on part of the heroine. My luck, just when I needed a happily-ever-after I get this practical ending. Remembering the post where I had grumbled about all the chick lits ending with a happy ever after and what would happen to single women like us etc. Who said life fulfills all your needs.


Read Spouses by Sobha De, after strong recommendation and constant prodding by Sambaran. He was convinced that reading the book would be helpful for me to start my new life. Seems it has done so for him. The book is nice, you discover some surprising stuff about Sobha De-- she is a home buddy, is dedicated to her husband, dresses to please him etc etc. But apart from that, it does give some wisdom, though a little too centrist. But definitely good read and wise as will.

You will think that all I am doing is reading, no, but I do read a little, you know reading is like night cap for me.


My blogger friend Jell had done this nice countdown thing for his cousin's wedding. Thought I would do the same, but too busy to be able to do anything like that.


Amitrajit ala Kakababu is refusing to believe that I am actually getting married! After much convincing and sending him the invitation card, he says that since he cant attend my wedding, he will get the feel of it from the photographs I send him as well as my blog updates. So updating is a solemn duty.

Thinking of doing something different with my hair. Going to some posh hair place with Rima this Saturday. Lets see what they can do with my limip tangle of hair...I see a lovely head full of black hair, well groomed and all in place...no greys, no split ends, no untidy mess. Hopes, hopes....

Oh I am getting pre marriage gifts as well....yuppppie...definitely the best thing in this marriage business...got two saris and a salwar kameez...

Something bad to end with, I have developed this bad habit of migranes. While growing up I had wittnessed my mom having very wretched ones. Now in pre-marriage jitters I seem to having them dime a dozen. Poor me!!!!!!!!

Bride Series 5: Shoe Shopping...

Ok guys today after a long time I am in this mad frenzy of posting. This used to happen the most last year in June/July. Seems like am into celebrating a lil blog anniversary.

Anyways have been delaying this little bride update, the other day Soma and me, we went shoe shopping. We went to New Market. In college I used to frequent this shop in the newer part of New Market, the name I have forgotten. Anyways after 10 years or so my memory was a little rusty and I just wanted to check out the stuff there. It has been ages since I last bought shoes from New Market.

Hence the venture. Omg. That part of New Market has about 10/15 shoe shops all in a row and they fight like mad to attract customers. I do not even remember these other shops but they were all stuffed with shoes.

We had a gala time. Finally we went to this tiny shop manned by two teenage boys. After much haggling picked up the following shoes. But the boys have become my friends for life and promised me discounts forever. I still need to pick up one more pair of evening shoe (I am looking for a silver something which eluded me in this shopping spree) and also a pair of slippers. Since I could not pick up black shoes (black is a taboo colour in Indian trouseau) it was getting rather difficult since I mostly grativate towards anything black.

Some points I had to keep in mind while picking up the shoes:

• Need sandals/slip ons to wear with the saris;
• The slippers had to be in gold shades since the sarees are all heavy ones with zari work;
• NO BLACK;
• Need heels cos Indranil is 6 to my 5.1-- without heels I would look ridiculous beside him.

This one is my favourite, though this is wildly inappropriate, but what the hell, for once the red shoe looked better that its black version....

Well I could not wear heels all the time, this one is a comfort wear....

Bride Series 4: Back with a bang....

ok guys after so much crying/twittering/ boring my friends/ getting confused/ confusing others....I have decided to take a break. I am happily swimming in the maddness of pre wedding jambore and it feels nice. One thing I never considered before-- getting married makes you get a lot of attention...and that sure is fun :)

Bride Series 3: My Life Right Now

Some stubborn streak is keeping me up at quarter to one, when I should be asleep. But whoever said I am good at following the rules. Life is crazy and living upto pre marriage reputation of being hectic to say the least....some of the highlights....

• Socialisation-- this last weekend there were some 4 lunches/dinners....not counting the dinner on Friday night....
• Business-- well more than me, its my parents who are busy....
• Stress-- loads....
• Countdown has begun, my marriage is less than 2 months away....
• Prep-- Marraige registration forms have been sent to Indranil.....once he signs and send them back, I will have to sign them and submit to the marriage registrar....
• Invitations-- not quiet begun, though some friends and family have already booked their tickets....
• Pick-up-- the wedding cards, which have come out quiet unlike what we wanted....
• Headaches, frozen shoulders have started.....summer heat & pre marriage blues and stress are reasons enough....
• Lots of planning...
• Lots of arrangements....
• Almost no time to myself....oh I would love to spend a Sunday in the bed with a good book....
• Treks to the tailor...
• Itsy bitsy bits of panic attacks...
• Some more shopping....phew the list is quiet endless......last week picked up lots of cosmetics....
• Loads of advice....
• Zero concerntration at work.....

Bride Series 2: Of Aiburubhats & Gifts....

Ok guys, I have taken a decision. And the decision is that I will stop cribbing about the traditional Indian way of getting married and just be funny about it. I am going to write this funny series with the original name of 'bride series' and make you all laugh. This is the first of the funny series, please bring out your anti-glare glasses and get ready to read.

Today morning Indranil reminded me that our marriage is just 57 days away. I was just about to go off in a panic puff of 5o-freaking-7-days-away when he not so subtely reminded me of all the aiburubhats I have already started eating.

Ok let me explain to you the thingy called aiburubhat. Aiburu is a state, the state of being a spinster or a bachelor or in today's lingo single. And bhat is rice but in Bengali it sometimes refers to an entire meal. So put together aiburubhat is the last meal as a spinster. It formally happens the day before marriage for both the bride and the groom at their own houses seperately. But before that all the friends and relatives give aiburubhats, i.e. call the bride or the groom over for a meal, sometimes alone, sometimes along with others and sometimes parties are arranged. My marraige may be 57 days away, but my aiburubhat has started. It was kicked off by Anuradha my friend from office. I stuffed myself on red wine chicken, buttered rice and boiled veggies and felt oh so good. This was quickly followed by several others. And the better part is I am getting more than an invitation a day. The rate at which people are inviting me I anticipate the whole of June and July in eating glory. Oh I am loving it, everytime someone wants to feed me aiburubhat he/she asks me where I want to eat, what I want to eat etc. All I have to do is go and eat. I am making a wishlist of all the resturants I want to eat in and all the different kinds of food I wanted to try in Kolkata.

Staying put in far away Copenhagen, Indranil is not liking it a bit. He is a big foodie and not to be able to be part of it, when he is as entitled to it as I am, does not feel good. This is called strategic placement guys, I returned to Kolkata just at the right time. But I say he has some hope, he is landing in Kolkata 9/10 days before the wedding, so I am sure some of his mashis/pishis/mamis would feed him some aiburubhats.

Of course my diet, in whatever weak form I was adhering to, has gone for a total toss. It has been bumped off into the far away trash can, no not even the neighbourhood one with chance of retrival. My mother has also kind of given up on her survilience of my food. I know this does not bode too well for my figure, which to begin with is round. I was trying to reduce the diameter, no the radius, oh whichever to look slightly less dumpy and circular in my wedding benarasi sari. But God decrees that it is not to be and who am I, a mere mortal to go against God's wishes???

Another thing that I am being asked about is what gift I want. Well 3 women I know have suggested that I make a wishlist and ask that person her/his budget and just accordingly tell her/him what I want. Incidentally all these three women are Virgos. Being a Libra, I didnt fall for the suggestion too well. Come on how can I tell people what all I want, a gift is a voluntary thing and I do not want to impose any ways on it. It sure feels good to know that so many people are planning to pick up gifts for me. Oh I am sooooooooo happy. Indranil again is not very happy with the situation because grooms do not get that many gifts, it is the bride on whom people shower gifts. How nice I say :)))))))

There are some suggestions of stag/hen parites. To begin with Indians never had this, but then seeing all these movies on Star Movies/HBO has made us savvy. No one can say that we dont catch up and latch onto phoren ideas. Some smart friends of mine wanted me to throw them a hen party. It struck me like a lightening when I was just about to doze off for the night that it is they who should be giving me a hen party and not the other way round. Come on guys trying to trick the poor bride is not good at all. My Delhi bunch of friends want to give me a hen party but for that apparently I have to go to Delhi. I say please send me the air tickets and I shall oblige. Ohhhhhh wouldnt that make me jet setting. Every frumpy has her day I say.

I do declare guys getting married has some plus points!

Just Around the Corner....(Bride Series 1)

Remember the phrase "just around the corner" being taught in school? Somehow I have always found this phrase very interesting and of immense possibilities. The shop is just around the corner, exams are just around the corner, durga pujo is just around the corner, spring is just around the corner....to my young mind the anticipation of wait coming to an end used to loom large. In my imagination I could almost trace the journey of whoever was around the corner, slowly coming to my side of the world and then walking up to my house and knocking. Sometimes I would connect the phrase 'is on us' or 'knocking on us' with this and would literally visualise exams knocking on my mind demanding that I prove what all I have studied so far. Funny how your young mind conjours up certain images and they refuse to budge or reform however old you grow.

Well the important event which is just round the corner (for which I gave this whole background) is my marriage. I am getting married in August and my life right now is revolving around discussing my upcoming marriage, preparing for it, dissecting it, bissecting it, tearing it apart and putting it all back together. I was talking to a friend and a fellow blogger about it yesterday and she suggested that I write about it. Funny now that I think about it, i am really surprised that I have not written about this before considering that now a days all my energy goes into it. Sometimes I confuse whether the marriage is for me or I am for the marriage? The marriage is for me right? The marriage is happening cos I want it to happen. But these marriages have an innate knack of seeping in and overtaking much more space than we are ready to give them. I am not even married just preparing for one and already I feel 'taken over' and all the married ones I am talking to are not really encouraging. For an individualistic space freak like me, marriage being the hugely social and traditional event that it is in India,
is quiet something to digest and accept. Dont get me wrong, I am in love with the guy I am getting married to. My problem lies entirely with the role of the bride. You can think then why I am doing it? Simple reason being it is not my marriage, it is my parents duty, my family's expectation and the same applies for the groom's side.

Frankly I never thought that the very idea of being a bride would be so taxing! But it is and it is stressing me out no end. And by now I have bored most of my friends with all imagined and non imagined troubles, potential pitfalls, clash with my beliefs and politics. I have taken innumerable pledges to take all of it with a pinch of salt and a big bucket of humour. But somehow I go back to having a long face and head swarming with marriage mines. This is making me feel guilty too. Especially since Indranil is so happy about getting married to me. But like I keep telling him that I am not worked up about marrying him, it is the traditional role that I am expected to fit in as a bride which is driving me up the wall.

All my life whatever I have experienced or read, brides are supposed to feel in a certain way-- they are supposed to be happy, coy, shy, eager, enthusiastic etc etc etc, that is if they are getting married to the partner of their choice. Why dont I feel any of it? Somehow I dont feel of any of these things. To me a traditional Indian/Bengali marriage is a collosal waste of money, resouce and time and however much I try to tweak my mental sate it doesnt help. I dont feel happy shopping, planning the menu, drawing the invitation list....all i feel is guilt....guilt of blowing my father's hard money. Guilt of being a traditional girl suddenly after all these years of being a free bird and a radical to boot. Oh well my Libra soul is in a severe spree of indecision and since this is going to for sometime....it is exhausting and stressing me no end, while the clock ticks on and marriage rounds the conner and looms large, fingers lifted about to rap on my door.

This last line reminds me of the poem 'The Listeners' by Walter De la Mare. I am getting literary in confusion :)